


What if? And other impossible questions

by Practicemakesperfect



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character building, Comfort, Conflict, Conflict Resolution, Fear for the future, Future Plans, M/M, Make Up, baeksoo - Freeform, marriage talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 09:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20598434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: Baekhyun didn’t mean it. He definitely didn’t mean to suggest that he wouldn’t marry Kyungsoo.(Meanwhile, Jongdae is the embodiment of the acronym SMH)





	What if? And other impossible questions

Baekhyun had been zoning out the entire night.

He was tired. He’d been working since morning, and all he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. But of course Kyungsoo wanted to go on a date because they’d missed their last one, and after they’d argued for a bit Baekhyun realized he was too tired to even fight and gave in. So, they were having dinner. But after all the struggle just to get there, Baekhyun was exhausted.

The night definitely wasn’t going well.

Kyungsoo was frowning at his food. He hadn’t said anything since they’d ordered their meal and gotten it, probably still upset over their argument earlier. And maybe Baekhyun would feel bad for being such a brat, but really, Baekhyun didn’t understand it. Kyungsoo _knew_ he’d had work that morning. He _knew_ he was tired. Why he’d insisted on having a date night was anyone’s guess, but Baekhyun couldn’t help but be annoyed by it, anyway.

He, as usual, showed it in silence. Baekhyun moved the food around his plate moodily, ignoring any of Kyungsoo’s attempts to make eye contact and get him to say something. Hell yeah he was being a brat. But as far as he was concerned it was justified. 

Tired Baekhyun, it was well established, was nothing but a nightmare to deal with.

Finally, Kyungsoo broke. “Are you going to eat, or just play with your food?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kyungsoo put down his fork, sighing. “Please don’t be like this.”

Baekhyun met his gaze. Suddenly, he was even more annoyed. “Kyungsoo, we already went over this. I’m tired. I didn’t want to go out tonight. I just don’t understand what’s so important about going out to eat.”

Kyungsoo’s expression shifted into one of visible upset. “I get that you’re tired. I didn’t want to drag you out here because I knew you’d be like this, but I just really wanted to go out, okay?”

“Why? Kyungsoo, we could have just eaten at home.”

“I know.” Kyungsoo was getting frustrated, but there was no way he was any more frustrated than Baekhyun was. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Again: we could have just talked at home.”

“It was too important for that.”

“What’s so important that we have to go to a fancy restaurant to talk about it? It makes zero difference if it’s here or there and besides, I’d listen to it anyway even if we were lounging on the couch so I don’t get--”

“I wanted to ask you about marriage,” Kyungsoo blurted. Baekhyun froze. “I mean, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it, but honestly I don’t even know if that’s in your vocabulary. Everytime I try to bring it up you avoid it. So I thought maybe we could go out for dinner and actually sit down and figure out what the hell we want because Baekhyun, we’re getting older and I don’t know if I can keep pretending like I don’t want to stay with you forever.

“But that’s not the point. I was supposed to tell you the last time we were supposed to go out, but you cancelled it. And work is getting busier, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to do this again, at least for a while. So that’s why. And I’m sorry that you’re tired and you don’t want to go out with me and talk about this.”

As Kyungsoo spoke, his voice became increasingly frustrated. His eyes were misty, like he was holding back tears. When he’d said enough, he angrily stuffed food into his mouth, avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze.

“Soo…”

“I just,” Kyungsoo stopped him, looking up. “I just want to know if I asked you to marry me, would you?”

And that was the question. Baekhyun swallowed; suddenly, it was getting harder to breathe. “I…”

“Yeah, okay. I thought so.” He sounded bitter. “It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything.”

“It’s not because it’s you,” Baekhyun said, weakly. “You know how I feel about it.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo repeated. 

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun said.

“Forget it.”

The ride back home was silent.

\--

“So he asked you to marry him and you just… said no?”

“I didn’t say no. And he didn’t ask me to marry him. He asked me what I’d say _if_ he asked me to marry him.”

“Baekhyun.” Jongdae shook his head, started to say something, stopped, tried again. After a cycle of this he finally settled on repeating, “Baekhyun.”

“I know. It’s bad. And I was being such a dick.” He groaned. “Why didn’t he just tell me outright? Like, why all the drama? I don’t get why we had to go on a date for him to ask.”

“Maybe he was going to propose if you said you would say yes.”

“_...No_.” Baekhyun paused. “You don’t think he would, would he?”

Jongdae shrugged. “Look, I’m just saying it’s a possibility. Anyway, I get why he’d want to go out to talk about it. It’s important to him. He wanted to let you know it’s important to him. And he can’t exactly get that across if he asked you about marriage in sweatpants while you guys are, like, watching some comedy show or whatever you guys do.”

“Movies,” Baekhyun corrected. “And I guess. But I was tired, and…” He trailed off. He still couldn’t get that feeling out of his chest, that heavy guilt that worked its way around his heart. “I don’t know what to do,” he confessed.

“Why did you say no, anyway? I mean, you love him.” Pause. “Unless…?”

“No, I do. I do. It’s just… I’m bad at commitment.”

Jongdae looked unimpressed. “That’s such a cop-out. You’ve been committed to Kyungsoo since you two started dating. What’s the difference between that and marriage? You guys even live together. I don’t get it.”

“It’s different because… I mean…”

“Because you can get out of a relationship but not marriage.”

“That’s not why.”

“Come on, Baek. Just admit it. You want an easy way out. That’s the only reason why you’re scared of marrying him. Because if you do it means you can’t leave.”

Baekhyun protested, “but I don’t want to leave.”

“Maybe you don’t now. But you’re scared you might. And then when you do, you won’t be able to.”

“That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

Baekhyun bit his lip. “...I don’t know.”

Jongdae sighed. “You do. You just don’t want to admit it. I know you. You’re scared of commitment because you’ve seen it happen and you’ve seen it go bad. But you can’t just apply that ending to your relationship, Baek. I’ve known you two for a long time, and you guys really do care about each other. I don’t think that’s something that will change.”

“We fought,” Baekhyun said.

“People fight in relationships. It’s unavoidable. But that doesn’t mean that you love each other any less.” Jongdae shook his head. “Kyungsoo and you clash sometimes. You guys are normally great at talking things out, but this… this is something Kyungsoo is really sensitive about. He’s worried, and you kind of just made it worse.”

“But he knows what I feel about commitment,” Baekhyun objected.

“And does he know why?” When Baekhyun didn’t answer, Jongdae said, “He loves you a lot, Baek. He knows you’re scared of commitment. I’m sure you told him about your parents, and how they divorced, and all of your exes, but there comes a point where it’s impossible not to wonder if the problem is you. I don’t think you told him enough. Right now, all you’re communicating to him is that you don’t care about him as much as he does you. You know him, he’s more traditional. All he’s wanted was to marry you.

“And before you say anything--” Baekhyun closed his mouth “--I know because he’s told me this before. So please try to take his point of view into consideration. Maybe marriage isn’t the biggest proof of love to you, but for Kyungsoo it is. And he’s said he’s willing to wait… but I think he’s just scared now that you were never planning on staying after all.”

“But I am. I’m scared of marrying, but him… I could never leave him,” Baekhyun said.

Jongdae shrugged. “I don’t need to hear that. He does.”

“You’re right.” Baekhyun stood from the table. “Thanks, Jongdae.”

“Mhm.” He watched Baekhyun go. Then, sighing, he said: “Good luck.”

\--

Honestly, Baekhyun was terrified. 

He hesitated at the door to their room, where he knew Kyungsoo was probably pretending to sleep just to avoid talking to him. He wished he didn’t have to start the conversation. But he knew he had to.

Finally gathering his courage, Baekhyun opened the door and made his way to the bed, getting in as carefully as he could, just in case Kyungsoo was actually asleep. After settling in, he took a deep breath and quietly said, “hey Soo… are you awake?”

A second passed before Kyungsoo answered. “Yeah.”

“Can we talk?”

Kyungsoo sat up and Baekhyun followed. He looked exhausted. “What is it, Baekhyun?”

“It’s about what we talked about at dinner.”

An emotion Baekhyun couldn’t quite place flashed across Kyungsoo’s face. “It’s fine, Baek. I mean it. I was upset for a bit, but I get it. You don’t want to marry, and that’s okay. I shouldn’t have pressured you into it.”

“But it’s important to you.”

“Yeah, it is.” Kyungsoo’s expression softened. “But you’re more important to me. And if it makes you feel uncomfortable… I don’t want to force you into it. Marriage shouldn’t be an obligation. It should be something you genuinely want to do.”

Baekhyun bit his lip. “Soo… I don’t feel like I told you why I don’t want to.”

“You told me about your family, Baek. It’s okay. I get it.”

“No, that’s not why.” Baekhyun looked down at his hands. “Or, I guess it’s part of the reason. But really it comes down to me.”

Suddenly, Kyungsoo looked scared. “Baek. Please don’t.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s not that. I promise I love you, Soo.”

Baekhyun could hear the relief in his voice, but also the confusion. “Then what is it?”

“I’m just really, really scared,” Baekhyun confessed. “Of myself. And I know this sounds crazy. But my dad cheated on my mom, and it kind of feels like, what if I did that? And sometimes I think things that makes me feel like I might. Like, you’re so kind and great and attractive but sometimes I see other guys and I think, oh, they’re pretty cute. And that scares me because what if I change my mind one day? I love you. I’m in love with you. But what if one day I’m not? What if I’m like my parents, and one day I just stop loving you? I don’t want to hurt you, Soo. I’m so scared of hurting you. Because you deserve the world and I’m scared I won’t give you that and I’ll just ruin everything.”

As he spoke, Baekhyun felt the tears forming. He swiped at his eyes, then laughed humorlessly. “If I’m like this, if I’m even questioning myself, it just makes things worse. Because that means I’m not sure. And I’m such an asshole and I’m super selfish and--”

“Baekhyun.” Baekhyun looked up. Kyungsoo’s gaze was steady. “We aren’t your parents.

“I can’t give you any false reassurances. I can’t tell you that you’ll love me forever, or that we’ll stay together until we die. Because life happens, and maybe we won’t. And when it comes down to it all, I want you to choose your happiness over everything else, and if that means leaving me, then I’ll accept it.” Baekhyun opened his mouth to comment, but Kyungsoo continued: “Still, that doesn’t mean that you should just give up. 

“What I mean is, if your reason for not wanting to marry me is because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me, then just… stop. I know what I’m getting into when I’m asking you to marry me; I’m not stupid. No one can really promise forever. But we can believe in it. And, yeah, you’ll see other guys and think they’re attractive. _Jongdae_ is attractive, for god’s sake. But I’m not about to leave you for him. Because I love _you_. It’s not a crime to look at someone and think they’re cute, okay? It’s going to happen. But in the end there’s always going to be some cute guy but there isn’t always going to be you. Or me. _That’s_ why we stay, Baek. _That’s_ why we choose each other over everybody else.”

Baekhyun couldn’t stop crying. Kyungsoo got up on his knees and leaned over to hug him, even as Baekhyun was covering his face with his hands and couldn’t hug him back.

“It’s okay to be scared,” he said. 

Baekhyun shook his head. “I can't even trust myself.”

Kyungsoo answered, “It doesn’t matter. I trust you.”

And they stayed like that for a while. Kyungsoo murmured little reassuring things as he hugged him, gently rubbing his back. _It’s okay. I believe in you. I trust you._

Eventually, Baekhyun quieted, and Kyungsoo leaned back. “All better?”

Baekhyun sniffled, nodding. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I know. But I want to. Thank you for listening. And for understanding.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Kyungsoo smiled, fondly. “I love you, Baek. No matter what.”

“I love you, too. And…” Baekhyun bit his lip. “If you did ask me, I think… I think I would say yes.”

It was still hesitant, still new territory, but Kyungsoo’s smile made everything worth it. 

“Maybe not yet,” Kyungsoo answered. “Maybe we need to work some things out, first. But I appreciate that you’re trying, for me.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

And Kyungsoo’s eyes were shining then, bright and beautiful and so enrapturing that Baekhyun caught himself thinking actually, if he asked right now, if he brought out a ring and asked him right that very moment, he would without any hesitation say yes.

_I’d do anything for you._

Kyungsoo replied, “me, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been craving fluff, but for whatever reason this came out.
> 
> Marriage is scary. But kudos to the people who managed to overcome that fear and take a risk for the person they love <333
> 
> Until next time :)


End file.
